An Important Announcement regarding “Pundit-Matic™ 3000” (UPDATED)
We noted today, via The Macalope, that a Mr Evilneuro has created a website that generates amusing faux-punditry on Apple products. It’s very clever. And very funny. And sounds like something we’ve done.
This will not do.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
”“Inspired” by Apple has invested substantial resources in research and development through the months, which has resulted in numerous patented inventions of technology that other companies have not yet licensed. These technologies are the foundation of our business that engages over 700 unique visitors and represent the spirit of innovation upon which the “Inspired” by Apple group of companies is built. Unfortunately, the matter with Pundit-Matic™ 3000 remains unresolved and we are compelled to seek redress in federal court. We are confident that we will prevail.”
At “Inspired” by Apple, we take the protection of our brand seriously. For over two months now, we have been the undisputed market leaders in the curation of photos of Apple-inspired products from well-known family names such as Samsung, HTC, Samsung again, some other jerks, and Samsung. Our EasySnark generation system (patent pending) has delivered joy and happiness to literally several people. We’re proud of our work.
Our unique value proposition has also included the advanced web-technologies found in Trollem Ipsum and Apple Keynote Bingo. We are at the forefront of single-serve geek jokes. We’re proud of our work.
It is no secret that we are in the midst of a challenging economic climate. Businesses are failing - just last week, that nice liquor store we used to go to closed, such a shame, and such a nice man that worked there too - and revenues are down. We’re proud of our work.
In particular, Trollem Ipsum has faced unique challenges, which as all analysts know, really means that we are totally and utterly screwed - battling against upstarts in the meme industry, Trollem Ipsum has seen visitor numbers decline from an early high (although we note, with some surprise, an upsurge on Sunday. No idea what that’s all about). We’re proud of our work.
Trollem Ipsum’s unique business model has proved difficult to sustain in the current climate. In particular, we note that simply making a joke website has generated approximately no profit, and will, indeed, lead to a small loss, primarily because David should have been working instead of coding it. His disciplinary is scheduled for next week.
The Board of Trollem Ipsum belatedly realise that they should have adopted the two pronged “thrust to financial success” - firstly, to plaster the site in sexually explicit adverts, and secondly, to ensure that the site was used by men to get laid, a la Facebook, Twitter, Grindr or Chatroulette (the so-called Rule 69d of the web - “any new technology will be used to find sex however tenuous the application”). The two revenue streams would not have been mutually exclusive.
The Board of Trollem Ipsum are distressed, dismayed, disappointed and other passive-aggressive ways of saying “really quite angry” that Pundit-Matic™ 3000, a new website built by @evilneuro to provide auto-generated punditry on Apple products appears to be built on the Trollem Ipsum foundation of a neat website and a clever joke.
We still think that we’ve great offerings for people.
And so, given the challenges faced by the economic climate, and in the absence of a co-branded licensing agreement, in the manner of a dying bumblebee frantically attempting to half-heartedly sting anything in its path, the Board of Trollem Ispum have today launched a patent lawsuit against Evilneuro. We recognise that this means we’re screwed, but hopefully someone will come along reasonably quickly and buy us, saving everyone the embarrassment. CrunchFund, we’re waiting for your call.
The Board of Trollem Ipsum will strongly, vigorously, passionately, and sensually defend their patents. Because, like, you know, we did it first.
SEE YOU IN THE PLAYGROUND…WE MEAN IN COURT. IN COURT. BECAUSE THIS IS SERIOUS.
Updated: Evilneuro responds in very Scottish fashion. We are taking advice.